


A Dog's Nose

by dontrollthedice



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Friendship, Innuendo, M/M, Scents & Smells, Sex Jokes, dog hybrid!ren, early in mycelium resistance arc, etho being a little shit, so many sex jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29296614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontrollthedice/pseuds/dontrollthedice
Summary: As far as Ren knew, Etho’s base was in the jungle. He was a frequent visitor of Decked Out, but he knew for a fact there was nothing even close to the desert in there. On top of that, the sand present in the shopping district wasn’t nearly enough to make a scent this strong. So why did he smell so much like the desert?And the ocean… and llamas… and absurd amounts of—oh, Ren knew what he smelled like.Heat rushed to Ren's face, and he sorely wished he didn't have the gift of a dog's nose.Etho smelled like Beef.---Or, Ren makes some unfortunate discoveries while at a Mycelium Resistance meeting.
Relationships: Etho/Daniel M. | VintageBeef
Comments: 23
Kudos: 125





	A Dog's Nose

**Author's Note:**

> saw grians episode with the etho smells like beef sign and i just. i had to

Having an enhanced sense of smell usually worked out for Ren. Just a sniff of the air could lead him to a single item in a chest monster, a person around the corner of him, any needle in the haystack-esque situation. Granted, it came with the obvious downside of gagging at any offensive odor in the area, but Ren took life with the ups and the downs.

That being said, he wasn’t sure where this situation would fit in the ups-and-downs spectrum he usually used to measure his life.

“So,” Grian said, scanning the faces around the meeting table, “we should figure out what we’re gonna do with the base. You’ve all seen the area I’ve started building in, right?”

Ren nodded along, but his mind was in other places.

Everyone had a distinct scent of their own. Grian, being the closest to him, had the strongest bitter scent of concrete powder on top of the sticky, musky smells of the jungle. To the other side of Ren, there was the distant smell of gunpowder and ashes; xB must’ve been in the gaming district prior to this. Across from him, Impulse smelled vaguely of the dust Ren had come to associate with blackstone. Possibly from a dungeon run?

But the one scent he couldn’t quite pin down was from the man directly across from him.

As far as Ren knew, Etho’s base was in the jungle. He was a frequent visitor of Decked Out, but he knew for a fact there was nothing even close to the desert in there. On top of that, the sand present in the shopping district wasn’t nearly enough to make a scent this strong. So why did he smell so much like the desert?

And the ocean… and llamas… and absurd amounts of—oh, Ren knew what he smelled like.

Heat rushed to Ren's face, and he sorely wished he didn't have the gift of a dog's nose.

Etho smelled like Beef.

Sure, it could've all been explained by how close the two were. They were neighbors and business partners, after all. Etho must've spent a good amount of time with Beef, but not nearly enough to pick up that strong of a scent.

No, for a scent like that to happen, it needed to be through more… _direct_ methods. Direct methods Ren didn't want to think about his friends doing. Ren wasn’t shy about this sort of stuff by any means (hell, he was one of the most extroverted about it on the server), but that was a thought he’d rather avoid.

He should probably be listening.

Ren tuned back into the conversation. Grian said something about gathering more quartz, then Impulse made a passing comment about piglin bartering farms. xB complimented the color choice, to which Etho seconded and—oh, no, he was thinking about this again.

Okay, maybe the scent could've been picked up through innocent, friendly hugs. Except Etho wasn't the type to accept hugs from anybody and even his closest friends only received rare, short hugs. Beef was a touchy person, but he respected boundaries. There went that idea.

Moving in? No. Etho wouldn't just abandon his base like that. Sleeping over was a more reasonable line of reasoning, but that implied any of the hermits slept besides a couple reliable people.

Ren thought back to all the blackstone he'd have to collect after this.

Ha. What a joke.

"Ren?"

Ren snapped out of his thoughts, his gaze flickering from face to face. All four faces were concerned. "Yeah?"

"You haven't been talking much this meeting," Impulse said with a frown. "Is everything alright?"

"Oh, uh…" Ren scrambled to sit up and cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'm fine, my dude. Just got a lot of things on my mind."

"You look nervous."

"I am nervous! Got a lot of things to do today."

Then Grian narrowed his eyes, and Ren felt the judgement of the world resting on his shoulders. "Nervous? About being revealed as a member of HEP?"

Oh no. Why was his friend suddenly scary?

"Okay, okay," Ren murmured. "You know how sensitive my nose is with the whole dog thing and uh…" He moved his gaze down to the table. What nice quality carpet Grian decorated it with. "Why does Etho smell like Beef?"

xB rushed to cover his mouth with a hand while Impulse raised an eyebrow. Etho only stared holes into him with an unreadable expression that shot chills up Ren's spine.

"You mean, like, steak beef or the guy Beef?" Impulse asked.

"The dude, yeah."

Impulse tilted his head in thought, but it seemed Grian had already caught onto Ren's train of thought judging by his hysterical laughter.

Then something mischievous flickered in Etho's eyes.

Ren got the feeling he would regret waking up today.

"I don't know," Etho mused. "Why do you think I smell like Beef?"

How did he respond to that? How was he supposed to respond to that?

"I don't know, you tell me," Ren said.

"Well, I'd love to hear your theory first."

It was at that moment Impulse finally caught onto what was happening and joined Grian's fit of laughter. xB was at least attempting to stifle his laughter for Ren's sake.

"Etho," xB called, "maybe it'd be simpler to just explain."

Etho shrugged. It was clear Ren wouldn't be getting out of this situation cleanly.

"Okay, I get it," Ren said, raising his palms. "My bad."

"What's there to apologize for? I just wanna know what you're thinking.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Just say it, _my dude.”_

And that was when Ren realized this situation was no accident. Etho had turned the tables on him and had Ren squirming in his seat out of embarrassment. He knew what Ren assumed, he knew what Ren was thinking, he knew exactly what he was doing. Ren would be impressed if he wasn’t so focused on trying not to implode.

xB, the sweetheart that he was, cleared his throat to try stepping in. “I really think you should just tell them, but I believe what Ren is trying to say is he thinks you two are, uh… _being intimate.”_

“Intimate?” Etho said. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He knew exactly what it meant. There was no way someone as smart as Etho couldn’t tell what that meant.

Nevertheless, xB persevered even if he looked more embarrassed by the second. “You know. Shaking the sheets.”

“Hm?”

“Getting lucky.”

“Lucky?”

“Rolling in the hay.”

“That’d be kind of uncomfortable, don’t you think?”

“He thinks you two were fucking!” Grian shouted, only to dissolve back into hysterical laughter.

Ren hated being alive so, so much.

“Dude!” Impulse yelled through his own laughter, “Family friendly language in the HQ!”

xB sighed and leaned back against his seat, his chuckling only barely suppressed. “Yes, well, that sure is one way to put it.”

They were lucky. They were free to laugh. They weren’t the ones who were put in the hot seat for what seemed like an eternity. Ren slid down his seat, wishing an anvil would fly in and knock him out on the spot.

Etho seemed unimpressed. “There it is. And for the record, we aren’t. We only started dating recently.”

“Yeah, just making out in the office for your poor friends to walk in on,” xB murmured.

“Not my fault Beef forgot about your meeting.”

“It kind of is.”

“You’re awful,” Ren grumbled.

Etho’s eyes crinkled in that way they did when he smiled. “Yeah, sorry about that. You were the first one to bring it up, and I thought it’d be fun to tease you.”

Ren shook his head with a laugh. He was with the right group of people if this was what happened at meetings. He just wished the first victim hadn't been him.

“Oh, head of shenanigans indeed,” Grian said, his and Impulse’s laughter dying down. “Well, congrats on your relationship, Etho. If we’re done bullying Ren now, I had some plans for what to do with the corridor of the base.”

The others seemed content to move on. Grian explained a rough draft of the corridor he had in place while the other three nodded along.

Ren lifted his head and tried his best to pretend he still had dignity.

**Author's Note:**

> i looked up sex euphemisms for this. "euphemisms for sex" is in my search history and i will never forgive anyone for letting me do this


End file.
